THE SARDAR COLLECTION

A Sardar Casanova is drinking at the bar when a beautiful woman walks in. He offers to buy her a drink. She replies "Thanks but I may warn you that you will not even get to first base". "Arre, why? I am hot Surd from patiala full of fire ????" "That’s because I’m lesbian." The Sardar thinks and asks "Is that your country name ?" The girl laughs "You mean you don’t know what a lesbian is ?" "No, not really" replies the Sardar. "Let me explain. Do you see that lovely girl in the corner? Well what I really want to do is kiss her, hold her, take off all her clothes, caress her and lick her all night. Now do you know what a lesbian is?" At this explanation the Sardar burst into tears. "Oh no, oh no. I think I’m a lesbian too."

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Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

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How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

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Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

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Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

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What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

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What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.

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What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

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What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.

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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

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How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

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Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone

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How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

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What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

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Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

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TO LOOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."

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EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

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CROCODILE BOOTS..
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

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TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

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A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object you have?" He said, "It's a thermos." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

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A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

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This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

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Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

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Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!

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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

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Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

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Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space . The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" ( its the barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

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Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

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Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

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Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

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DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

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Jailsingh decided to write the MBA exam.He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading ,Rajiv came home
RAJIV: Jailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Jail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
RAJIV : Logic is very easy.
Jailsingh: Can you give me an example,so that I can unerstand.
RAJIV: OK,Do you have fish pot in your house.
jail : YES.
RAJIV: Logically ,there will be water in it.
jail : YES.
RajiV: Logically,ther will be fish in it.
jail : YES.
RAJIV: Logically.someone will be feeding the fish.
jail: YES.
RAJIV: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
jail : YES.
RAJIV: so, Logically,your are married.
jail: YES.
RAJIV : SO,that means U are a heterosexual.
Jailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. next day he sees butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Jail: How is your MBA preparation?
BUTA : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Jail : oh,logic is easy Rajiv explained me yesterday.
BUTA : please,give me an example .
jail : Do you have a fish pot in your house.
BUTA : NO, I dont.
Jail :Saala Homo.

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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."

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Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!"